BELOVED STAN
You said you wanted to know how I am, so here goes an honest account on how we are coping.
As l write to you we are almost 7 months pregnant, yet I feel like its been a year already. Maybe it’s because the last few months I also got to experience my sister’s pregnancy.You know how we and Amanda are so close, no wonder when she was pregnant and having the cravings, l also found myself craving whatever she was having. you can imagine the weirdest meals I had to eat. Enough about her…
l haven’t had many cravings lately. l mainly go with the flow and eat what’s available. What l struggle with is the physical pain I experience on a daily. I swear, this baby has made me feel pain in parts of my body that l didn’t know existed. Bouts of heartburn, pain radiating in my kneecaps, my body is just a lump of pain most times. I have to deal with constipation, acne, oh the list is endless.
Some days l go to sleep feeling exhausted, still, i wake up feeling like I’ve been in a boxing match. We wish you didn’t have to be in school so far away, then you would also get to share these painful yet priceless experiences.
One thing that irks me is how my body has become public property. Each visit to the hospital and am feeling like its Farewell dignity.You know how i am particular about my privacy but now I have to undress countless times. The other day l felt violated with hormonal imbalances I swear I was on the verge of crying. So they asked me to remove my knickers for a cervical examination. I felt helpless lying stick naked legs wide open my vagina laid bare, for the medical assistant who stood there holding a phallic shaped object. The worst part was to come when he wrapped it in a condom and inserted it….
Oh, did I mention the frequent visits to the bathroom and the constant wiping that often leaves my clit bruised? At night I sweat a lot and often it’s hard to find a comfortable position before our little one starts kicking.
I’m going to stop now before l burst into bittersweet tears. Let me just say amid all the pains and aches, pregnancy is a wonderful experience. I am not sure if I will do this again.
Two more months and the future is in our hands. Together we will begin a journey of parenting. As we always say we are unique in our diversity and our child will come into this world knowing that they are loved and respected.They will also learn about diversity, love and respect.
Till then…
Sharon!
This letter is an extract from a series of letters I’ve written to an expecting transDad who is studying miles away from us .
Sharon (*not real name) is a peace researcher