Stop making me apologise

Stop making me apologise for wearing a dress.

Stop making me apologise for not wanting to use the mens toilet, because, I am not one.

Stop making me apologise for peeing sitting down.

Stop making me apologise for not wanting to go to PnP alone, during the day and night. How ‘unsafety’ has become my best friend. Not knowing how to spell ‘safety’.

Stop making me apologise for undoing my transness in certain spaces for the sake of my safety. I want to take another breath again ngomso. I want to be able to be a woman again tomorrow. You not understanding this.

Stop making me apologise for existing in this body.

Stop making me apologise for looking at you awkwardly when your friend misgenders me, and implicitly expecting you to correct them once and for all.

Stop making me apologise for reinforcing my gender.

Stop making me apologise for inconveniencing our night when I refuse to pay at 37 On New, because only men pay. I am not a man. I am not a man. Starting a fuss. Such an inconvenience.

Stop making me apologise for being upset that you do not take pictures with me because you do not want your family to know that you are friends with a Trans woman.

Stop making me apologise for calling out your religion that seems to dismiss this body,

Stop making me apologise to you.

Stop making me apologise for holding your hand in public.

Stop making me apologise for walking next to you, I do not mean for them to think you queer. I know you not. We know you not. I know you do not want to be that.

Stop making me apologise for being your friend.

Stop making me apologise for calling you out, for your betterment and that of societys’.

Stop making me apologise for not wanting violence on this body anymore. Stop making me dismiss these valid emotions, and not wanting to be an apologist.

Stop making me apologise for being naked.

You have seen this body without clothes  before, hence you hate it so much. Using this body for unique sexual experiences, but you still hate it. You still hate using my body, this body that I continue apologising for. Giving it to you, because you are the only love I have been told I deserve. Sex me.

Making me apologise for using these braids to strangle the life you had already taken away from me.

Stop making me apologise for this body.

Stop making me apologise for being me.

Stop making me apologise for existing unapologetically.

Stop making me a Trans apologist.

Stop making me apologise.

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