My story of rejection , isolation and depression in exile

When i fled   my home country Lebanon for  Sweden  in 2015  I thought i would find some peace as i had entered a country where human rights are respected and i could finally live my life openly as a transwoman. I had suffered a lot in Lebanon, the humiliation, insults and abuse in public was too much. When i applied for asylum i did not know the process would be painful and long , but i thought that was better as long as i was able to live my life freely. All the horror began when my case my denied after a year of waiting. The migration said i could go back to Lebanon because there are favourable laws. I immediately got another lawyer with the help of an LGBT organisation  to assist  me appeal this decision.

When my application was denied i was cut off the government allowance. Life became even harder i had to rely on the church meals and bread and donations from well-wishers. I did not have accomodation, the person i was staying with told me i could no longer stay in tehri house i became literally homeless sleeping different places.

I could not work without papers in Sweden, and being a transwoman made it  even worse for be to get black jobs. I was really struggling and feeling hopeless about my future at that time when a friend in Abu Dhabi said i could come and live there and try to find a job so i made the difficult decision and  left Sweden in 2018 March.

When i arrived in Abu Dhabi everything was different, i thought i could get a job but nothing came up. I  am now in hell, i have no job, no  permanent place to stay i sleep in offices my friend is married and cannot house me because of my gender identity its really hard to live with his family. I sleep in different offices and spend all the day in secluded places until night time. I have to rely on well wishers for food i am depressed, sad and feeling hopeless. I am only thinking of committing suicide because i cannot take this life any more.

I don’t know about my case in Sweden since i left the country. I have tried to contact my lawyer but i really am not sure what will happen now.

I wish any people out there can assist me stay in a safe country i need to leave this place as soon as possible it is dangerous for me and if i am caught i will be deported to Lebanon where i will face persecution. My pleas is to those who can assist me my hope is fading each day.